Good King Lyr by Novae Caelum

Author:Novae Caelum
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: transgender, nonbinary, genderfluid, space, space opera, romance
Publisher: Novae Caelum
Published: 2021-04-11T00:00:00+00:00

20: Not You

IT WAS A STRANGE RITUAL, pulling robes from the massive dressing room and helping Barenin layer them, as Por had done to take his off on the first day there.

Anais didn’t trust himself to speak. Barenin also stayed unnaturally composed, breathing once every few minutes. There was only the rustle of fabric. Anais didn’t have to direct her to move when he needed to pull up a sleeve or fasten a clasp—she just moved. He tried not to let that unnerve him.

Finally, Anais broke the silence with a question he’d aborted earlier. He was pretty sure of the answer, but he wanted to hear it. “Sela. Is she still on Denz Dayar?”

“Yes.” As if that one word was enough.

Anais tried to formulate a way around that mono-syllabic wall as he laid the last robe over Barenin’s shoulders.

Barenin tugged at the lace sleeves, then strode to the bed to retrieve the crown. She...they...he...?

“She,” Barenin said. “I’m still the same person, and no, my sense of gender has not changed much from the day before. It is disconcerting to play myself as presenting male when I am not, but I have done it often enough before.”

Anais hissed through his teeth. There was no way she could have followed that logic from his body language. Was there? “Barenin...you just said my thoughts were my own—”

“I’m sorry. I have my walls up, but sometimes the emotions leak over. It happens with those I’m close to. But I didn’t read your thoughts. I felt your hesitant indecision and deduced from there, that is all.” All of this was delivered with indifferent Aezthena calm. Barenin fit the crown on her head, and it sat there as if she was born to wear it.

Anais wet his lips. He was getting mental whiplash again, having to adjust faster than he usually could. He’d gotten used to the idea of Barenin as Por, as mostly human. And he vaguely remembered reorienting himself the night before to see her as both Aezthena and human. But he’d yet to fully incorporate his vision of her as Barenin Lyr, immortal Aezthena, ruler and diplomat a thousand times over. A role she was now playing to its fullest. A role that was real.

He swallowed. Then his mind caught on something she’d said in that flat monologue: emotions leaked over with those she was close to.

Those she was close to.

His heart began to pound. She’d flirted with him, yes. She’d said she’d like to sleep with him—but that had all felt casual. Not like he was truly important to her, not in the way he’d discovered on the other side of the world—that she might mean something more to him, that he was already thinking of more than just casual sex. That he was thinking of the future, and wondering if she would be in it. And despite everything...he was still thinking of it.

Barenin met his gaze. He knew she’d picked up on some of what he was feeling through his emotions or body language.

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